Where have I been?
Where have I been? I don’t know.
I’ve been busy not using Facebook, essentially. Experimentally trying real life. Found myself getting weirdly emotionally dependent on a superficial, imaginary social construct. That’s not good.
So, I’m done. I’m here. I’ll been here. Except tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll be at the Hollywood Improv. Brian Posehn is going to rock the house.
Perception
Lately, I’ve been noticing that when I take my time to think about a person, it almost feels as if I’m sitting right inside their head, seeing through their eyes. Now, I don’t mean literally. This is nothing supernatural. Rather, it’s just one of those weird sensations, quite like the feeling before a sneeze. This is one of the bits of evidence that is stacking up, proving my madness.
More another time
Sometimes it feels like it’s only happening to me – but that isn’t true
Sometimes, when I ride in a car, I stick my arm out of the window. Whenever I do this, I can imagine – feel – my arm being hit by another car, mailbox, building. The sensation of my arm being sheared off. It is so strong, I pull my arm back into the car. Without fail, I do this again, the next time I ride in the car.
There are many other odd things that I feel – sense – experience. More on those later.
Quitting – Or how I almost sold my soul for $10
Ok, it was $10 a hour, but you get my meaning.
Where it began
In October, I began working for a Comedian who will remain nameless here. If you know me, you know, and if you don’t know me, you don’t.
I was hired to, I think, to do a site redesign, and to otherwise get his web presence in shape. At the time of my hire, I was in Texas, but quickly on my way to California. A week after I got to town, I met my boss in person. In four months, this was the only time I was able to sit with him and discuss his what his vision was for his sites.
Amazing, through just a few phone calls and a handful of emails, I managed to redesign his site, his Facebook fan page, and establish a fan email address. I’m still amazed I managed to get the work done.
Over the next few months, I struggled to keep myself busy, with only dribs and drabs of information coming through. Throughout this time, I attempted to build a working relationship with this man, but was without success. You see, I feel it’s important to get to know the person you work for, especially when you’re trying to handled their persona via the web. During this time, I even went to a book signing and a stand-up show, in an effort to show support. In return, I was treated, not as a member of staff, but as a fan. Such as slap in the face, given that I wasn’t much of a fan.
Where it fell apart
Growing increasing frustrated by promises he’d make to fans (he’d say certain info could be found on his website, even though he hadn’t given me that information), I sent him an email. Jokingly, I said I take a dump on his doorstep if he didn’t send me his updated schedule. You see, when you work with someone who’s stock in trade is humor, you get the impression that certain language is acceptable, certain jokes not off-limits. As it turns out, I was mistaken.
This man called me and told me I had “disturbed” him. He felt “uncomfortable” and “threatened”. I was in such shock that I said something that I almost immediately regretted. Out of my mouth came “I’m sorry, I’ll keep my personality and my sense of humor inside. I shouldn’t have been myself.” In that moment, he said it was OK. Off the phone, I sat on my couch and felt like trash. I’d completely betrayed myself and everything I believe in. Never do I hold back who and what I am. But here, for money, I was lying to myself. As soon as I came to my senses, I sent an email to him and a co-worker. I quit.
What it all means
The mere idea that I would have pretended to be someone I’m not for cash .. it was devastating. Essentially a whore, I suppose. Now I’m out of a job, but I gained my dignity. It’s a fair trade, wouldn’t you say?
Let’s get this shit started
This is my site. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
